Responsibilities of the Mother of the Groom

The mother of the groom is often at a loss as to exactly what role she plays in the marriage of her son. This is even more true when she has not participated previously in a wedding for a daughter or other sibling. The following rules of etiquette are shared to increase the joy and fulfill the traditional responsibilities of the mother of the groom.    

Her responsibilities include:

• The first rule of etiquette to be followed upon receiving news of the impending nuptials is to initiate contact between the families. Introducing herself and her husband to the bride's parents is her first responsibility.  This may be as simple as making a call to the bride's mother and telling her how happy she is about the engagement or an informal invitation to dinner at their home. If preferred, dinner at a nice restaurant is always in order. This may be with or without the couple in attendance.

 If the parents live far away, a friendly letter is appropriate. A snapshot of the family and maybe even one of her son as a small child is always welcomed by the bride's mother and is a kind gesture.

• The importance of providing an accurate and timely guest list can neither be over emphasized, nor the importance of sticking to the guidelines given her as to the number of guests she many invite.  Remember to include zip codes.
• It is the bride's mother who will first select a dress for her daughters wedding. A gown of complimentary color and similar styling is then chosen by the mother of the groom. She must wear long if the bride's mother wears long or short if she wears short.  The color should not match the bridesmaids, nor the brides' mother, but compliment both.
• Reservations for out-of-town guests, invited by the groom's family, are the responsibility of the mother of the groom. It will be much more convenient if a block of rooms are reserved at a nearby hotel, which is near her home. 
• It is the responsibility of the groom's parents to host the rehearsal dinner. This can be as simple as a salad potluck with paper plates in the backyard or as elaborate as an exotic dinner with live entertainment in the finest restaurant.  Everyone who takes a part in the ceremony is invited to the dinner.  It is proper etiquette to invite the spouse or significant other of those participating, and the parents of children in the wedding. 
• Scheduled family photographs, prior to the wedding, will dictate the groom's parents time of arrival. If photos are not scheduled to be taken before the ceremony, the arrival should be no less than one hour before the appointed time
• As the wedding begins, the groom's mother will be escorted down the aisle, to the first pew, right-hand side, by the head usher or a groomsman who is a family member.  A nice touch includes the groom escorting his mother down the aisle. As the groom's mother is escorted to her seat, her husband will follow along behind.  However, if the parents are divorced, the father of the groom will have been seated previously, two pews behind the mother. 
• The role as mother of the groom, in the ceremony, may include lighting the family candle on the altar, along with the mother of the bride.  Family candles are lit after the candle lighters have left the altar area, and prior to the entrance of the wedding party.
• The first official duty of the mother of the groom, during the reception is to stand in the receiving line greeting guests and introducing her friends and family to the bride and her family.    Traditionally she stands between the bride and her mother. If the fathers of the couple choose to stand in the line, she will stand between them.

• Be familiar with the responsibilities of the Maid of Honor. You may want to have a conversation with the Maid of Honor to coordinate and avoid stepping on each other's toes.

Responsibilities of the Mother of the Bride

The Primary responsibility of the Mother of the Bride is to see that the bride's wishes are carried out the bride's way.  It will be your responsibility to help the bride plan her wedding with her tastes in mind…not yours, unless, it is the true desire of the bride to "let mom run things."

 Here are your primary responsibilities:

1. Help the bride select her wedding attire. Remember, this is not your wedding.  If you find yourself talking the bride out of a gown she loves, you may be overreaching.
2. Help the bride and groom decide on a wedding budget.  Settling money issues upfront is always best.  A good clear budget will help everyone with their expectations. 
3. In the event that the Mother of the Groom does not contact you, you will make the first contact.
4. See that the guest lists are put together. The invitations must be ordered as soon as possible, and the guest list will be critical in making your invitation order.
5. Reservations for out-of-town guests, invited by the bride's family, are the responsibility of the mother of the bride. It will be much more convenient if a block of rooms are reserved at a nearby hotel, which is near her home. 
6. Choose your gown for the wedding day. Immediately tell the Mother of the Groom the colors and style so that she may begin looking for a complimentary gown.  Send a swatch of material to the Mother of Groom if possible.
7. See that instructions for the actual ceremony are given.  This includes the seating schedule and the receiving line at reception, as well as any special touches the bride may choose to have at her wedding.
8.  The role as mother of the bride, in the ceremony, may include lighting the family candle on the altar, along with the mother of the groom.  Family candles are lit after the candle lighters have left the altar area, and prior to the entrance of the wedding party.
9. Find a trusted friend or family member who is not in the wedding party to assist you throughout the wedding.  You are the hostess for the entire event!  Find someone who will help you with some of the details…sometimes a professional is best.
10. Be familiar with the responsibilities of the Maid of Honor. You may want to have a conversation with the Maid of Honor to coordinate and avoid stepping on each other's toes.

The Maid of Honor's (MOH) responsibilities include:

1. Attending all prenuptial parties.
2. Help address invitations and announcements.
3. Entertain a party for the bride and groom…if possible.  This could be a couple's shower.
4. Assist bride with going away clothes and luggage.
5. Be sure that bridesmaids are kept aware of their fitting appointments, rehearsal obligations and any special duties that the bride may wish for them to do.
6. Arrange with a florist for a supply of rose petals to shower on the bride and groom as they leave.  If a flower girl is in the party, she is responsible to see that the child knows when and how to do this.
7. Arrive at the church or home of the bride early enough to help with bride and bridesmaids with dressing (at least 2 hours early).
8. Remind the best man which ladies will be wearing their flowers  (Mother, grandmothers, organist, soloist, hostesses, etc.).
9. Assist bride with her train during ceremony and in the receiving line.
10. Hold the bride's wedding bouquet for the exchange of rings during the ceremony and hand it back just before the recessional.
11. In a double ring ceremony, carry the groom's ring until it is time to hand it to the minister.
12. Assist the photographer with identification of the members of the bridal party and later for pictures, which are taken at the church and reception.  Be sure to find the kind of candid shots the bride may want of the out-of-town guests.  Be certain the photographer has taken an appropriate number of these candid shots.
13. Witness and sign the marriage certificate after the ceremony.
14. Stand in the receiving line.  The traditional place to stand is at the groom's left side with her bridesmaids to her left.
15. Assist the bride when she is ready to change into here going away ensemble.
16. With the best man, help the couple depart.
17. See that the bride's gown is taken care of according to her wishes.  Usually taken to the bride's home or to a cleaner.

 Remember, this is the bride's day.  Your job is to assist the bride and help her day be as carefree and special as possible. As a maid of honor, you should set the tone among the women in the bridal party.  Stay cool and never out shine the bride.  It truly is an honor to serve. 

The Best Man's responsibilities include:

1. Make absolutely sure that the groom has the marriage license with him.
2. Receive the minister's fee from the groom and give it to the minister privately following the ceremony.
3. Help the groom pack for his honeymoon.
4. Help the groom dress for the ceremony.
5. If a ring bearer is to be in the wedding, the Best Man is responsible to oversee the child and be sure he understands his duties.  (See note below)
6. Assist with luggage arrangements for both the bride and the groom so that everything will be ready for their departure.
7. Make sure car or travel arrangements are set and that the groom is carrying any necessary reservations, tickets, money and travelers checks.
8. The Best Man will want to ride to the church with the groom.
9. It is the Best Man's responsibility to make sure the ushers are together and ready before the ceremony begins. Many weddings have been delayed by dilly dallying ushers who are either cutting up to relieve the tension they feel or are out having the last quick puff on a cigarette.
10. Alert ushers as to the ladies who will be wearing flowers and make sure they are not seated before receiving them.
11. Check all the men's boutonnieres.  These should always be worn on the left lapel, stem down.
12. Perform any task or errand the groom or the bride's mother may request at the church.
13. If applicable, remind the groom to remove his gloves as the bride comes down the aisle.
14. Be first at the reception in order to welcome the bride and groom.
15. The Best Man is responsible to make the first toast to the bride and groom at the wedding. The Best Man is also responsible to make the first toast at the rehearsal dinner.
16. The Best Man should act as a host, making introductions when necessary and helping to make the guests feel welcome.
17. The Best Man should dance at the reception with the bride, both mothers and as many of the bridal attendants and guest as possible.
18. Help the groom change into his travel clothes after the reception.  Find out when the bride is ready to leave and with the maid/matron of honors, help the bride and groom depart.
19. Return the groom's tuxedo to the tux shop or if it belongs to the groom, be responsible for taking it to the cleaners.
20. Order flowers for the bride and groom's room at the first stop of the honeymoon trip.
21. Another responsibility of the Best Man may include the signing of the marriage certificate.  This is not only a legal document but also a beautiful keepsake for the couple.  Many times, the Best Man is not aware that his signature may be required and he may be off with the guests. 
22.  Note about ring bearer: The Best Man has the responsibility of carrying the bride's wedding ring. However, many times the couple will also want to have a ring bearer.  We recommend that the "real" ring be kept safe in the pocket of the Best Man.  Why? Just remember the boy with stage fright who never made it down the aisle…or even better, the ring bearer who argued with the Best Man when he tried to remove the ring and then cried his eyes out when the Best Man took it away.

The Wedding Dance

Dancing at your reception is a lovely way to bring an air of elegance and family togetherness to a wonderfully happy and joyous occasion.

Traditionally, the bride and groom will be the first to dance as their special song is played softly. Lights dimmed low create a romantic atmosphere.

As the music continues to play, the father of the bride will cut in on the groom and dance with his daughter. The groom asks the bride's mother to join him in a dance and together they grace the dance floor.

The groom's father then cuts in on the bride's father and dances with the bride himself.  The bride's father will then cut in on the groom and dance with his wife.

The groom will then ask his mother to dance. Following this, the parents exchange dances with the other couple. 

The best man then comes out to ask the bride to dance and the groom will dance with the maid or matron of honor. Finally, the entire wedding party, ushers and bridesmaids join in the festivities.  Once the entire bridal party and their parents are on the dance floor, the other guests are invited to dance.

The "money dance" originated as a custom in Poland, and is a popular tradition found celebrated in the weddings of today.  It takes place sometime after the first dance and is usually announced by the DJ.  It is customary for the best man to begin dancing with the bride, pinning money onto her gown or putting it into a satin bag carried by the bride, especially for the money dance. A newer rendition of this money dance includes bridesmaids and other ladies dancing with the groom, pinning money on his lapel.